This picture was taken less than six months after Marc got home from Iraq. It was Fourth of July 2008. We were in front of the White Sands National Park, which I highly recommend, if you are ever in that area. We spent the day sledding on the soft white sand and then went into Alamogordo for fireworks that night. It is one of my favorite memories.
Now that I have two years distance on the 15 month deployment, I can look back on it with less emotion. I have been thinking lately about how it changed me, Marc and our family. I know that none of us will ever be the same.
I was talking to Julie, my mother-in-law, the other day about how I used to be so good about remembering birthdays and sending thank you cards. She asked me what happened and all I could think of was, "Marc went to Iraq." I know we came out stronger, braver and better for our service, but I often wonder what bits of ourselves we lost.
I have said before that I know, I can see in Marc's eyes, that he is different. I just forget that sometimes, so am I. I didn't see the horrors of war, and because of people like Marc, I probably never will. But I cannot help thinking of what parts of self I may have lost. I had such plans for my future when I didn't have any life experiences, or kids. Now I understand that life itself derails our plans. The key is to just have enough faith that God knows what he is doing with us.
I may not be who I thought that I would be at 32 and a half, but progress is something. I have moved forward.
I don't think you lost any important part of yourself. I think you just let go of unimportant things and are holding tight to the things that matter most.
ReplyDeleteBTW-Post from me, for you, tonight!